Monday, November 4, 2013

When time comes...

It would be the best for me to choose.
It would be that one person who follows me to death.
It would be that one person who cries.
It would be that one person who feels lost.

If that time comes,
I want it to be worth it.
I want it to be contributed.
I want it to be remembered.
I want it to be shared,

My story is just a simple story.
Normal.
Unexciting.

Yet, I tried to make it different.
The people who came into my life.
They changed me.
Every single one of them.
Friends, family, love, idol, teacher, even nobody.

Would they remember me?
Would they be sad?
Would they share my story?
Would they say....

"It was started by him..."  ?

When I'm gone, I want everyone to remember.

I want to know.
Did I contribute?
Did I helped?
Did I managed?
Did I survived?

Let me know.
Before I go.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Dreaming of waking up

I had a wish.

A dream.

That some day when I got lay to rest my head.
Tight comfort sleep in my own bedroom.
I dream of going to sleep on my own but suddenly....
I woke up to realize there's a woman hugging me tight while she's sleeping.
Kissed her forehead and we slept together.
In the morning, there she is.
Making me breakfast for me.
Kissing me good morning and giving me a big smile.
As I was eating, I heard some shouts from upstairs saying,
"Good morning daddy!"
The kids rushing down to greet me.
Kissed by their mother.
Eating breakfast on the same table filled with love.
School bus is here!
We all rushed to the door accompanied by our beloved woman, my wife, their mother.
We waved goodbye to them as they climbed aboard the school bus.
There, my wife gave them the most beautiful smile ever to cheer the kids.
As the school bus goes, I start to put on my shoes, ready to leave for work.
The woman, my wife, grabs my hand, hold it in her's and kissed it.
When the word "I love you" comes out of her heart, I kissed her forehead once again.
As I get into the car, she stood there, looking at me with kindness, love, caring, worried and hoping.
I smiled back at her to let her know that everything is fine.
As I back up my car, she waved.
A hard wave as if she's not ready to see me leave.
A smile from me confirms my answer that I will be fine.

As the day passes, as my car going into the garage, she came running to the door.
She opened the door with a big smile of relieve.
A smile of love.
She greeted me, again, by kissing my hand and saying welcome home.
The kids, shouting "Daddy's home!" with full cheer.
She pulled my hand, inviting me to the dining table.
We sat there. Eating.
We asked each other about how our day went.

Kids are doing their homeworks.
While their mother teaches everything she could ever do.
As I was having my rest after a long day at work.

"Bed time!"
I shouted.
They all rushed to their bedrooms.
Kissed them goodnight.
"Goodnight, daddy. We love you."

As I lay my head on the pillow, she came besides me.
Hugging me tight.
Not wanting to let go.
Kissed her forehead.
"I love you."
Is heard from her mouth.

The next day I woke up.
I was shocked.
There was noone with me.
I looked at every direction, every corner of the room, looking for the woman.
And by that time, 

I realized....

It was just a mere dream.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

It started from..... And now we're here. Part 2

Then, after she finally got her pay, she invited me to go to Bukit Merah with her along with her cousin and friends.

I told her that I had no money. She said it's okay, she'll use her own.

It was a heavy burden to let her use her money but I just agreed.

Skipping to the trip, we both went there by my bike and her cousin and friends rode along with a rented car.

It was a cool trip. I knew she was bored cause I heard she was singing behind me. Sometimes I joined her.

Bad news for us! Bukit Merah was closed that day for pool cleaning.

What do we do??? Well, plan has been changed. We turned back and head to Ulu Paip.

Bla bla bla... We had so much fun (but tiring) there. We head back home straight after.

Total hours of riding my bike : 8 FREAGIN' HOURS!

As I set foot infront of her house, I just straight away lay on the road!

My back pain ache so much and it was a relieve that I got to lay down on that road. LOL!

As time passed, it is time for her to go to university.

She got into UITM Merbok.

Me? Still being a bum.

For 6 months, we had gone through hell. Mostly her. (because I was such a stupid, pathetic fuck person)

Less talking. Less meeting. More argues. More jealousy (mostly me). But it was still fine.

I got a job at Parkson as a temporary promoter on July. Worked my ass off for a month.

I was a sick, crazy bastard back then. I used to chase her assignment groups on the highway. Yeaah!!

I used to get kicked out of UITM by the guard because I went there to meet her but the guard was such a jerk and kicked me out.

Sometimes I would go and pick her up and send her back home on weekends. That's the only time I could meet her.

Times has changed. We talk less and more less. She's busy. I know. It was my mistake for not understanding her situations.

Then I got my college letter from ILP. I will be signing up on 9th of January last year.

From that point on, everything turned upside down.

The first week of college was hell.

They took our phone for a week.

No calls, no text.

Even after we got our phone, my phone was busted. The screen was shattered (my fault). And I only remembered her number and my parents'.

Credits were none.

But if I got some, I will call her. And I did.

Times passed, we sometimes meet when I got back home on weekends. Bought her AC/DC shirt as a gift.
She's a HUGE fan of AC/DC.

But then.....

After a month of college, she's changed.

Less talk, less call. Even uninterested in our conversations.

One last phone call.

On that night, I had the guts to call her. At first, we talked but then, I suspected something was off.

I asked her straight away.

"Awak, Orang nak tanya awak. Awak ada orang lain ka?".

She resisted to answer.

Until persuasions were done, she finally talked.

"Hmmm...."

"Berapa lama dah?"

"Dalam sebulan lebih" (it was blurish so this is what I guessed what she said)

She used to tell me that her ex hurt her feelings before.

She said "Macam pedang samurai cucuk kat hati"

And you know what? It was the exact thing I felt! LOL!

BAM!

My love, my girl, my light, my path to happiness..... gone.... within words.

It has been more than a year now since that incident, I could still feel everything.

EVERYTHING is still fresh. Like it was last week, like yesterday, an hour ago, like it just happened.

I can't get it out of my mind.

My love for her is deep enough and I can't get it out.

I'm trapped in my own feelings for her.

Now, she's with her new Superman.

Jealous? Naaawwwww...




FUCK YES!

But what can I do?

Maybe karma?

I took her from someone else. Now somebody has done the same to me.

If you're reading this, yes, I still love you.

I know I can't do anything to get you back.

But the pain is too big for me to handle.

You cast me away like I'm nobody.

I hope, my questions will be answered,

You know what answers do I seek.



-END-

It started from..... And now we're here. Part 1

Have I ever told you guys how my love life start with... you know who?

Well, tonight Imma tell you guys how!

Bitch and biatches, calm yo tits coz Imma start now.

It all started when my friend (name must remain secret but we'll call him PD), PD, who introduced her to me.

At first, PD and her were close buddies and I had no interest for her at all. AT ALL.

Then he offered me to know her. I got her phone number but I never text her until that one day.

So, long story short, me and another buddy, SI, were skipping our tuition, which she attend with us.

As we were passing by the tuition class, I saw her just arrived at the class while she was parking her bike.

I had my crazy mood that time and I decided to scream her name (she was called Bewak that time) "BEWAK!".

I didn't intend to make her notice but she did.

She turned at me and I forgot what happened next.

Me and SI went to the nearest cyber cafe to hang out.

While we were playing video games, at that time I made the decision to text her for the first time.

Guess what? She replied!

So, we texted, she even said "Beruk/monyet pi mana?"

We were texting for quite a while.

At that time, I had issues with my other ex girlfriend which my ex involved her in. (She had a boyfriend too)

I even got yelled by his brother cause he thought I was her boyfriend that he beat up before. LOL!

I was so ashamed that I never contacted her after.

So, one day, PD said to me, "Weh Man, Intan marah kat hang. Dia kata hang sombong lah apa lah."

I was like, "What the heck? I was ashamed and I don't want to burden you anymore."

So, back home, I texted her asking why and to apologize.

So, we started contacting again.

She let out her feelings to me about her boyfriend. I liked her so much that I actually helped her to be strong enough to break up. OR she had the strength all along. I don't know.

Once, I told her that I'm a bad person. Never good enough for her. I can hurt her feelings or self.

She was mad at for telling her that. (This is before we lost contact for a while)

We stayed up together (not literally, at each home that is) to watch FIFA.

She cheered for German. (German vs Portugal [I think])

Fun times.

She broke off with he boyfriend.

Then after a month or so, she has opened her heart for me then we are together!

I remember our first date. We went out to Taman Jubli and wore striped shirts. It wasn't intended but it was a cool coincidence.

We dated and dated.

She got a job at Central Square as a promoter for Hot Blood Woman.

Me? I was nothing. LOL.

Sometimes I picked her up after work. Even went there while she was working to see her.

I remembered that time when she lost her money.

We went for a lunch that time at CS's food court and I don't know how but she left her purse there.

We only noticed that until she wanted to buy a lotion or shampoo at Watson/Guardian.

She was like "Mana purse Orang?"

When she knew that she had left her purse, I quickly paid for the lotion/shampoo with my rm5 money which was the only money left on me. Yeah, I know. Sad. I was quite a bum that time. (even now).

After paying, I quickly ran to the food court which was on the 4th floor.

Found her purse but sigh... no luck.

She went back to her stall.

As I go to her, her friends and cousin (Panda) were trying to comfort her.

When they saw me coming, they gave way for me to get to her.

I don't know how but suddenly, which sitting down on the floor, she came to hug me!

I was kneeling to her and she... there... hugging me.

I even remember that I said to her that "Takpa. Mana tau pencuri tu turun escalator tersangkut jatuh mati ka.".

And she burst out laughing! That was the happiest moment of my life! Seeing her smile like that....

Cont....

Seeds

To be or not to be.

But it has been that it is.

For what it has become is what we have to suffer.

We went through pain...agony... but does it do anything to us?

Did the flower became a fruit to us or just die and left us to grow another?

But the problem is... do we have another SEED?

What a comeback

WAADDDUUUUUUUPPP DUDES AND DUDETTES!

Be amazed for I have RETURNED to the blogging life!
Do I need to reintroduce myself?
Naaahhhhh....
And so my blogging life starts again.
Chow!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Crushing down

I stand there watching my world came crushing down one bye one.
I couldn't do anything to it cause I'm weak and helpless.
I lay down my head and think for what I've done.
I cry as my world is going for a disaster.
I watch as my friends and families bashed on me.
I listen as my hobbies and interests go away.
I let my tears running down my cheek as I saw my loved one go.

I couldn't anything even when I try.
Fixing all these makes me weaker and weaker.
As there is no one else stands behind me.
I used to be loved and I used to love and I still do.
I couldn't let my hand loosen it's grip for the one I love.
Yet, I can only watch as she walks away.
My friends and families couldn't understand me.
All they ever say was "There is someone better".
How could I find someone better when she was the best for me?
My heart chose her.
My brain agrees.
All I ever wanted is to have her back.
Even if I die trying.
I'd do anything to have the one I love.
Even if it takes eternity.
That's how much I love you Intan Norhasyimah.
Only god knows how much it is.